When Compared to Time in the Heavens, Fifty Years of Human Life Resembles Naught but Dreams and Lottery Tickets
Cigarettes
The usual, Gran.
Cigarettes
Lottery Tickets Available
Oh, Toshi-san.
Do you have any interest in lottery tickets?
Have I ever come here to buy anything but cigarettes?
That's not what I'm talking about.
Look at this.
Monsoon Jumbo Lottery
Someone bought a bunch of tickets, but dropped one while leaving.
I've been holding on to it all this time.
Do you want it?
Sorry, but I don't have any worthless dreams I'd entrust to a scrap of paper.
You really don't know how to have fun, do you?
No wonder you burn through more and more cigarettes every year.
Lottery Tickets Available
Cigarettes
Nobody actually believes they're gonna win the lottery.
It's not about results.
The real joy lies in all the fantasizing and dreaming you get to do
until the results come in.
You ought to quit glaring at your accounts all the time,
Monsoon Jumbo Lottery
and just put this piece of paper in your pocket.
I'm sure that alone will make the world look a lot different.
Lottery Tickets Available
Give it a rest, Gran.
Besides, I'm a cop.
I can't just pocket someone else's lost property.
But isn't hanging on to lost items part of a cop's job?
This is stupid.
My dreams aren't cheap enough to be bought with a scrap of paper like this.
What are you reading that's got you so enthralled, Kondo-san?
Lottery results.
I bought about ten tickets on a whim.
I was so close!
I almost won 300 million yen!
A samurai must
achieve his dreams through the swing of his sword alone.
Most of all, you can't call a dream
that can be bought with a lottery ticket, with money, a dream.
A samurai has no need for this puny piece of paper.
What's with this number?
Kondo-san, you got everything but the V wrong.
The winning ticket is V-5739628.
Pot 22 V-5739628
If you call this close,
Hijikata-san was just as close with his V-shaped bangs.
Right, Hijikata-san?
What? My hair isn't V-shaped at all.
I wasn't close at all.
I don't have any interest in lotteries at all!
Hijikata-san?
Shoot, I'm out of cigarettes.
I'm gonna go buy some.
T-Toshi?
Hey, Toshi!
I-I won!
I won 300 million!
You gotta be kidding me!
The chances of a lottery ticket you randomly happen to get being the winner
are as astronomical as two guys who randomly happened
to be born as twins both randomly happening to be gay and not need a pair!
C-Calm down.
F-First, I need to cash in Piko and Osugi's pairs...
N-No, no, no! The lottery ticket!
B-But should I?
This is lost property.
Wasn't I just holding on to it for its owner?
But not doing anything is dangerous.
There's no telling when somebody might realize there's 300 million right here
and come after the lottery ticket.
For now, it'd be safer
to invest the 300 million in mayonnaise.
Right.
I'll just turn it into a mayonnaise palace
and mayonnaise pools and look after it that way.
Real estate and mayonnaise don't fluctuate in value much.
I'll be able to return it quickly.
With that decided, I should head to the bank right away.
That dude's got a lottery ticket worth 300 million!
Th-This is...
Just put this piece of paper in your pocket.
I'm sure that alone will make the world look a lot different.
Th-The world does look different!
E-Everyone looks like they have mohawks...
Woohoo! Lottery ticket!
That's what they look like!
J-Just putting a scrap of paper in my pocket is making it look like
the world's filled with mohawked ruffians coming after it!
What kind of demonic paper did I get my hands on?!
Calm down!
This is a hallucination! They're all illusions!
Get lost, mohawks!
You are already dead!
Wh-Whoa there.
That's dangerous.
What the hell are you doing?
O-Oh no!
W-Well, there was this guy with a mohawk!
Forget mohawks, this is the last guy I want to meet right now!
Mohawk?
A Joi rebel with a mohawk in the crowd!
I've run into Raoh, of all people!
I don't really get it,
but a cop just attacked a civilian in broad daylight.
This is gonna be quite the scandal.
I'd better get around 300 million in compensat—
Like hell I have 300 million!
I do not have 300 million!
I definitely don't have 300 million!
I swear to god I don't have 300 million!
I-I know. It was just a joke.
There are things you shouldn't say even as a joke!
Apologize!
Apologize to me and the 300 million!
I have to apologize?
I'm in the wrong?
What's with this guy? Why'd he bring up 300 million?
Don't tell me... he knows?
That was a hell of a reaction to the phrase "300 million."
Did you buy a lottery ticket?
Actually, I used what little money I had to buy some dreams, too,
but they all went up in flames.
Did you know?
Apparently that cigarette store on Third sold a ticket worth 300 million.
I bought ten tickets from there,
but I seem to have dropped one somewhere.
I asked the hag, and she said she didn't have a clue.
When I think that it could've been the one,
I just can't give up on it.
I-It was him!
The ticket that won 300 million was his!
He really does know everything.
He's playing dumb, but he's come to take the lottery ticket back from me!
Why?
Why did this hooligan of a samurai have to win 300 million?
I'd rather use the 300 million to wipe my ass and flush it down
the toilet than hand it over to him!
He's got something in his pocket!
Did someone report it to you cops as a lost item?
Don't tell me...
I'll file a lost property report, so let me know if you find it.
From the afterlife!
Bring it on!
If that's what you want, you got it!
Today's the grand opening of our gardening store!
If you'd like... Woo-hah!
Shit!
He'd already snuck his men behind me!
Aw, yeah! Visit our gardening store!
No. That's not it.
Quit spacing out!
We're getting outta here!
You've already got hitmen on your tail, too!
Huh? Hitmen?
Where?
Someone must've overheard your conversation with the old lady!
What are you even talking about?!
Can't you tell?!
We are... This lottery ticket is...
being targeted by some kind of mohawk syndicate!
What kind of syndicate is that?!
I can't believe they deployed so many mohawks
all over town in such a short time.
Our enemies are clearly mohawk pros!
And a pretty huge mohawk syndicate, to boot!
I don't see any mohawks anywhere!
And what the hell is a mohawk syndicate?!
Watch out!
A mohawk's launching an acid attack!
Watch out!
A mohawk car's launching a kamikaze attack!
Watch out!
Band members with mohawks!
Get with the times.
Watch out, my ass! You're the one I should be watching out for!
Just what the hell are you seeing?!
Can't you see all those hitmen with mohawks in town?
I told you, there are no mohawks anywhere!
No way. You're kidding me.
I'm not!
What the hell have you been doing all this time?!
Don't tell me...
Was all this an illusion I had because I'm holding this ticket for 300 million?
Actually, it looks like he doesn't know I have the winning ticket after all.
I-I see.
Looks like I've been having a bad dream for a while.
I ended up showing a pathetic side of myself.
Please forget it.
Anyway, I need to visit the bank—
Hold it.
It was no dream.
At the very least, the scandalous atrocities you committed to me weren't.
Didn't you mention something about a lottery ticket earlier?
What exactly do you need to visit the bank for?
Yotsui Bank
I didn't win. I didn't win!
Like hell I won!
What makes you say I won?
I didn't say you did, though.
So you won, huh?
I told you, I didn't win!
Go away! Forget all about this!
How much?
How much did you win?
Fine!
I'll buy you some chocolate parfaits.
I'll buy you as many as you want, so could you please go away?
Hands up.
I said hands up.
Yeah, yeah.
I've had enough of you illusions already.
Move.
You're in my way, you mohawk trash.
Hijikata-kun, Hijikata-kun!
These really are men with mohawks.
Huh?
Yotsui Bank
Don't make a fuss.
If anyone tries somethin' funny,
we'll riddle every last one of you with bullets.
How did it end up like this?
I overcame all kinds of mohawk illusions
and was one step away from cashing in the lottery ticket,
and then I run into a gang of robbers with mohawks just before the finish line?
I can't tell illusionary mohawks from real ones anymore.
This has turned into a pain in the ass.
Aren't you a cop?
You're not ashamed to watch a crime unfold before your eyes?
Cops sure are something.
I'd be going beet red with embarrassment.
Shut up and keep your nose out of this!
Right now, I'm no ordinary cop!
I've got a lottery ticket worth 300 million in my pocket.
I'm a cop with bait hanging from my entire body!
If the robbers notice the existence of this lottery ticket...
Yahoo! Talk about an unexpected bonus!
No, it'd be even worse if he noticed it.
I can't do anything stupid.
The hostages' lives and 300 million are at stake here.
I should sit tight and wait for the storm to pass.
Aight, y'all.
Time to go through your belongings.
If you got any valuables, cough 'em all up right now.
Oh, come on.
You came to rob the bank,
and now you're even robbing civilians of their pocket change?
For robbers, you guys sure are cheap.
Who said that just now?
Keep your damn mouth shut!
Sorry.
I tried to stop him, but he just can't keep his sense of justice in check.
M-Me?!
That's enough.
No, I—
Cheeky bastard.
Let's start with you.
Cough up everythin' you got!
What the hell have you done?!
I-I can't show them the lottery ticket, no matter what!
Hurry up!
I-If that's how it is...
Special Police Shinsengumi
Will this do?
A-A police badge?!
You can't be...
I'm Hijikata Toshiro, vice chief of the Shinsengumi.
U-Unfortunately for you, the police caught wind of your plan long ago.
Th-The Shinsengumi already have this bank surrounded.
Yotsui Bank
The moment I give the signal, they'll storm the place.
You'll all get chopped into pieces.
Yes! I cut off its tail!
It's so boring to be off-duty.
If you don't wanna die, put your weapons down and surrender.
We won't hurt you.
Please, believe me!
Fall for it!
Sh-Shit! I can't believe everything got leaked to the fuzz!
What do we do now?
We don't stand a chance against those man-slayers!
It's happening!
Settle down.
They can't just storm the place so easily.
You guys have us hostages.
Whose side are you on?!
If they could storm the place, they would've done it before you took any hostages.
Which means they've not fully assembled here yet for some reason.
Get it?
I-I see.
That's not how a hostage should be acting!
By the way, who are you?
What kind of stance are you taking?!
Never mind me.
That said, it's only a matter of time until the fuzz get here.
If you're gonna run, it's now or never.
But taking all the hostages with you will slow you down.
When it comes to hostages,
just having one who'll help you lose the cops is enough.
In other words...
The cop over there, right?!
Hold on a second!
There you have it.
I'll handle the rest,
so you guys take care, too.
Thank you very much!
Thank you, my ass!
He's turned into the leader of the robbers' gang now!
Hijikata-kun, you don't have to worry about the rest, either.
I'll take good care of it all.
Th-That bastard! He really had noticed!
Adios, Mr. Cop-Turned-Cat-Burglar.
I'm willing to take 300 yen out of the 300 million to buy flowers for your funeral,
so I hope you rest in peace.
Wait!
Wait a second!
That guy has 300 million!
Huh?
What is wrong with you?
Why'd you tell them about the 300 million yourself?!
I'd rather give it to them than let you have it!
Let me have it? It was mine in the first place!
The old lady gave it to me! Where it was before that means nothing to me!
Should a cop really be pocketing stuff?!
That was the old crone! I just got it from her!
Quit your fightin'.
300 million...
Talk about an unexpected windfall.
Tell us where you got it stashed.
Oh, yeah.
These guys don't know about the lottery ticket yet.
U-Uh, well...
His wealthy grandma passed away recently.
He ended up getting the entire inheritance.
Isn't that right?
Y-Yeah...
I was quite the grandma's boy, you see.
That's the way.
We can still protect it.
We can still protect the lottery ticket!
So, where's that inheritance?
Oedo Hozumi Bank
Listen up.
Keep yer trap shut and just withdraw the cash.
If you try anythin' funny,
I'll kill him right away.
Oh, it's okay. You can actually kill him right now if you want.
No, it's not!
You know what to do, right?
Like hell I do!
Where am I supposed to find an account with 300 million?
Where am I supposed to find a grandma?!
You can do it.
I believe in you. I believe you're a grandma's boy.
The only way to get 300 million is to use this!
But that would mean protecting the ticket was pointless!
Oh, hell.
Welcome.
What can we do for you?
Uh, I can't show it right now,
but I'll definitely pay you back with this,
so could you quietly fork out 300 million for now?
That was a bank robbery!
You totally robbed that bank!
Don't say it like that!
It was just a loan!
I gave her a sneak peek at the ticket!
Reaching into your pocket with a face like that would just make it look like a gun!
You should be grateful I saved both the lottery ticket and your life, dumbass!
Way to go, bro.
I can't believe you stole 300 million without a weapon.
They recognized your skills!
The robbers are tipping their hat to you!
Arrest
Pull over, truck!
I-It's the fuzz!
They've come to throw us in the slammer!
That's not it, right?
It's definitely you they're after, right?
I-I haven't committed any crimes!
What's that?
A lottery ti—
You saw nothing, right?
You never saw a lottery ticket, right?!
What are you talking about?!
You got rid of the cops!
You put your body on the line to save a gang of robbers!
Don't say it like that!
I just went to pick it up.
It was your fault for carelessly throwing it away in the first place!
Thanks, dude!
You got balls!
Let's keep this goin' and escape together!
There's camaraderie budding over here!
A sense of solidarity's being created as we speak!
This is bad.
At this rate, we're gonna end up joining a band of thieves!
We got trouble!
The road's blocked off!
They anticipated where we'd be and got here first!
Hey, what do we do?
Why are you asking me?!
Why are you treating us like the brains of this gang?!
All right.
Now's my chance.
Hold it right there!
Where do you think you're going with my lottery ticket?
We're gonna get arrested along with these guys if we stay here!
Now's the time to run!
Screw you!
This is mine! Leave it here!
Wait, wait!
It'll tear! It'll tear!
You're gonna destroy it!
You heard him!
We're gonna destroy that wall!
Uh...
That's not what we meant!
Yeah! We broke through!
We got nothin' to be scared of with you guys on our side!
Split up and spread out here! Lose the cops!
Hijikata-san, Sakata-san...
If we live through this and meet again, let's share a drink.
Don't give me that!
We totally look like the leaders of a gang of robbers!
If anyone sees us here,
not only will we lose the lottery ticket, we'll lose everything!
What the hell's going on?
Why are the cops coming after us alone?
Is it another illusion?
Is this making me see things again?
Ever since I got my hands on this, the whole world has changed.
Ever since I got my hands on this, the whole world has gone crazy.
If we're letting a scrap of paper control us,
then I guess we've got a lot to learn.
Let's put an end to this.
Yeah.
It's high time we opened our eyes.
A dream worth 300 million is too much for the likes of us.
Being controlled by our own dreams is plenty.
It's too late to regret anything now.
I won't.
Because I have 300 million right here.
Why the hell did you bring that with you?!
You didn't look like you'd give me the lottery ticket,
so I figured I could make do with this.
Are you kidding me?!
Us being the only ones getting chased wasn't an illusion!
It was your fault!
Arrest
Oh, is that it?
So you didn't steal that money.
You just got it back from the robbers, huh?
Th-That's right.
I'm sorry.
It looked for all the world like a conversation between robbers.
Well, we caught all the robbers,
Sakata-san, Hijikata-san, see you in prison!
so I can write it off as an undercover investigation.
Keep it down!
However, I can't take responsibility for the 300 million that got burned.
Do you have any ideas on how to pay it back?
We're gonna go buy lottery tickets.
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